Around this time of year, we often hear the Kay Jewelers slogan, “Every Kiss Begins With K” which is either a clever wordplay or a scourge on our senses that is repeated over and over on the television, radio and internet while driving everyone crazy.
I have spent way too much time thinking about the slogan, and have come up with several salient and/or stupid points.
First of all, they spell it out as “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” which makes no sense at all. For the sake of this important discussion, I am spelling it as “Every Kiss Begins With K,” which is at least somewhat logical, while still highly annoying.
And speaking of annoying aspects of the slogan, if it takes you a gift of jewelry in order to get kissed, then you are doing something wrong.
Also, if you follow the logic, then shouldn’t every kid also begin with K? And following the logic even further, I have come up with several more slogans:
- Every Flunk Begins With F.
- Every Eye Chart Begins With E (that one’s my favorite).
- Every Yearning Begins With Y (make sense if you think about it).
- Every Handshake Begins With Hands.
- Every Tea Break Begins With T.
- Every Dominant Football Team Begins With D.
- Every Us Begins With U (this should be on a greeting card).
- Every Caress Begins With Care.
And if you take it a step further
- Every Old Church Wedding Ends with Ding (from the bells at the end of the ceremony).
- Every Rain Ends With In.
- If you are sore, then Every Touch Ends With Ouch.
- Every Cabbage Ends With Age.
- Many people seem to think that Every Blame Ends With Me.
I should also point out that kiss is also a word for a small drop cookie made of meringue, and I don’t think that Kay Jewelers makes them. Therefore, every kiss small drop cookie made of meringue does not begin with K.
Now that I think about it, though, Every Cookie Does Begin With Cook (I am having a hard time stopping this now).
And what about the band Kiss? Do they start their concerts with a commercial from Kay Jewelers? I actually think that would be smart if they did. The Kiss fans would lick it up, lick it up.
Or what about the song, “Kiss” by Prince? You don’t have to be rich to be the girl in that song, and it does not say anything about Kay Jewelers. The Diamonds and Pearls song by Kiss is another story, but I digress.
Finally, and most importantly, as much as I dislike the slogan, there must be something smart about it simply because I remembered it and I have been obsessing on it way too much.
So, while we can debate whether or not it is a good slogan or an assault on the English language, and while someone could write a thesis paper about if every kiss really does begin with k, one thing we can agree on is that the slogan is etched into our minds and memories.
And of course, you know, Every Memory Begins With Me.