A New Year’s Eve to forget

Another big New Year’s Eve is in the books and I am ready for 2018.

This is the year to become rich and famous, hopefully for something good and not for something like being attacked by a Bigfoot that I catch on film or for getting a big settlement after eating some bad ice cream.

No, this is the year to become hugely successful and to capitalize on all of the positives of 2017. It was a great year and it ended with an interesting Dec. 31.

The day started off like any other day, as I leapt out of bed with a smile on my face ready to attack the morning with joy and excitement!

Actually, I took my time waking up as usual and then stumbled downstairs to take a shower to try to wake myself up. The funny thing was, when I went to start the shower, there was no water coming out of the faucet.

I quickly deduced that the pipes were frozen and that I should put my clothes back on as my own pipes were also freezing. So, I went back upstairs to get dressed and went to church without showering or having nice hair, but with extra deodorant and aftershave. I didn’t think God would mind.

When I got home, the pipes had not yet thawed, so my wife and I worked for at least six hours trying to get the stupid water to run. We cranked up the heat, turned on space heaters, checked the heating tape on the pipes in the crawl space, put a heater in the crawl space, tried several things to warm up the pipes, purchased bottled water, bought new tools for the pipes and got very dirty and thirsty.

We also spent time cursing ourselves for not fixing these problems when it was warmer, looked online for other houses to buy, cursed ourselves for not having enough money to buy another house, questioned why we live in cold Ohio anyway and continued to get hot, cold, dirty and frustrated for at least six hours.

Happy New Year!

And when we finally did get the water working again, we ordered a pizza for us and the kids and I went to pick it up so we wouldn’t have to wait too long.

I had just showered (finally) so I only had shorts and a sweatshirt on, but I didn’t feel like changing again so I just threw on a jacket and went out in the super cold weather with my messed up hair to pick up the pizza. I didn’t think the pizza owner would mind.

“I don’t need pants or a heavy coat, I will just be there a minute and the car will be warm,” I told my wife.

When I got to the pizza place, it of course was packed with people who all had the same idea as we did, so I waited for quite a while in a crowded lobby and bonded with the others who were also there waiting for pizza but were more sensibly dressed.

Each time one person in the lobby finally got a pizza, we all felt happy for him or her, but also a little sad to see our friend leave the group.

“I wonder if I will ever talk again with Mr. Six Pizzas,” I thought to myself as he walked out of the store and out of my life. “I wonder if he is the reason this is taking so long for the rest of us. Why did he need six pizzas anyway? Godspeed Mr. Six Pizzas, I hope you enjoy the path your life takes you on, and I hope you make it there before your pizza gets cold. And my pizza better be done before Mr. Blue Hoodie here.”

I finally did pick up our pizzas and drove home in my very cold car, and we enjoyed a nice evening of warm pizza and family fun. We were far too tired to worry much about parties, noise makers or big silver balls dropping, but we were thankful to have water again and to be together in a warm house.

It was a long and often frustrating Dec. 31, but my family happily celebrated New Year’s Eve together while we relaxed in the warm house filled with the soothing sounds of water running slowly through our faucets so that they wouldn’t freeze once again.

It was a fitting end to a pretty good 2017, and it got me ready to start 2018 with joy and excitement, as long as I can have a warm shower when I get up in the morning.

Happy New Year.