My application for the Space Force!

~ nickc324

Dear Mr. Trump

I hope this open letter finds you well.

I was truly astonished when I read about your proposal for the new Space Force, so I wanted to send you my application as soon as possible.

I feel I have all of the experience needed for your well-thinked out and fiscally responsible plan, and I know we would be great friends on the Space Force (until I am no longer useful to you and you state that we never really worked together, of course).

As my resume indicates, I have seen all of the Star Wars movies, several Star Trek films, all of the Guardians of the Galaxy flicks and several episodes of the Futurama television program. I did not see the Independence Day sequel, but will be happy to watch it as a professional development opportunity if I am hired for the best Space Force ever!

In addition, I am familiar with space (I even have a space heater!) and I feel that driving in space will be relatively simple, what with the lack of gravity and traffic.

I have not actually worked as an astronaut previously, but that guy in Futurama was just a pizza delivery guy and he does great in space! And what about those oil drillers in the movie Armageddon? They learned about space pretty quickly and then saved the whole world! It really doesn’t seem that difficult, and I imagine that you are already working on the plans with your great brain.

In fact, I honestly hope that you are the first person to go into space as part of the Space Force! That would be one of the best ever steps for man, probably the greatest step ever for mankind!

I am ready to fight Martians or Saturnians or whatever planet you are hoping to defend us from, and I am intrigued by your proposal to spend money on this instead of spending money to help people on Earth already.

I did have a few questions for you about the Space Force, though.

First of all, why not just build a giant wall over the Earth? Wouldn’t that make more sense and fit with your other plans? No one can get around a wall.

In addition, are we hoping to battle the sun? Do we need to destroy it in order to protect the Earth from it? I hate sunburns! If so, it sounds like one of your better ideas.

If the Space Force is for defending the U.S. from other countries who might also be creating their own Space Forces in order to invade us, well, then that sure seems like a creative plan!

Might I also suggest that we need a Super-Duper Outer Space Force to also protect us, in case the other countries take their Space Forces into Super Duper Outer Space in order to try to get around our Space Force and then attack us?

Or, what about an Underground Force in case any other countries are trying to attack us from under the Earth?

Don’t you wonder why we have all of these “pipelines” running underground all over the country? Surely, they’re not all just for oil and natural gas, but I’m sure you have already figured that out.

I realize that some might argue that it would make more sense to try to get along with our military allies in order to work together to keep everyone safe, but your plan to alienate the allies and then build a Space Force sounds much simpler.

As for my references, everybody is talking about what a great member of the Space Force I would be, so that’s about all you need.

In addition, I have set the record for the most readers ever, much more than Elton John, and I have a best-selling novel (as soon as I write it). Everybody says I have a head filled with space, and I think that makes me a perfect fit for your team.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I will continue watching Battlestar Galactica, The Cat From Outer Space and Spaceballs while I await your reply.

12 thoughts on “My application for the Space Force!”

    1. Thanks Kenny! I am happy I was able to relieve your concerns about those guys from Battlefield Earth, although that movie still worries me. We definitely need some sort of Tom Cruise Force, too, in order to protect us from any Tom Cruise Missiles.

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  2. I’m imagining him unveiling this idea to a room full of the USAF top guns for the first time…
    “Unusual salute they have.” he mutters to his aides as the room’s facepalming reaction occurs…

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  3. Dear Mr Claussen,

    I was more than happy to receive your application, as you make the perfect candidate for our new Space Force.

    I must confess I was touched by your understanding of my safety plans. Many seem to misunderstand me these days and laugh at everything I say or do. But yes, there is logic in alienating actual allies and then building a Space Force, and, yes, the pipelines have something to do with it. Allow me to not expand right now.

    You seem like a man of vision and ideas. Building a wall over the Earth hadn’t occured to me. Now, thanks to you, it has. I’m actually a little jealous. Why didn’t I think of that before? Si simple!

    Battling the sun is not an issue now, even though your hatred of sunburns is something to be considered. Sunburns are a threat to the nation, but can we afford to battle them at the cost of losing the natural blonde highlights that only the sun can give? Think of how much it would cost us if we had to pay to get that sun-kissed hair color. I’d love to hear your thoughts about that.

    An Underground Force is something I hadn’t considered at all and thank you for bringing it into my attention. If such a force was to be created, would you care to lead it? I’m sure you are more than qualified.

    To go more deeply into these matters, I suggest we meet ASAP in my office. Just let me know how you prefer your coffee, because I’d be mortified if you came to see me and had to wait for a cup to be delivered, instead of finding it here waiting for you.

    Love and kisses with all due respect, sincerely yours, your BFF
    Donald

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    1. Thanks! I appreciate your prompt response. My time spent living in a basement has helped to prepare me for this Underground Force, and I appreciate your insight into the sun and hair highlights. I do recall seeing you staring at the sun during the eclipse, and I know you were probably pondering ways to protect us all from the sun at that moment. I prefer not to drink coffee but would be happy with a strawberry shake, as long as there are no strawberry chunks in it that clog up the straw. Thank you once again.
      (Also, your response was tremendous! I can’t thank you enough! Very funny. Thanks again!)

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      1. Dear Nick,

        Sorry for the late response. I wanted to answer much sooner, but ever since I got your letter I’ve been crying. Where have you been all my life? All these times when I needed a friend who believes in me? I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you understand. While I was looking at the eclipse, I was indeed thinking about ways to protect the nation — that same ungrateful nation that calls me an idiot for looking at the eclipse. But that’s what a leader must do: look at problems with his bare eyes. Thank you, man.
        You should know I hired the best shake maker in the land to prepare your beloved strawberry shake, no chunks whatsoever. And until we meet I’ll be thinking of you with the sweetest feeling of love and companionship.

        Love, hugs and friendly pats on the behind, always yours, your soulmate
        Don

        (Happy to have made you laugh. Have a great day!)

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  4. P.S. Your writing abilities are very superior, much like mine are, and I appreciate this, I really do. In fact, I believe this post is out of this world. It’s my dream to align the best people of this great nation with the only the best people from the other great nations of this planet and beyond. I have visions of America taking over the galaxy one golf course and planned development at a time! I have 116 projects in my pipeline right now. These are huge projects. You have proven your word worth, but I and my lawyers advise you that if you are part of the fake media trying to infiltrate my space team or undermine my great dreams, you are wrong. Sad! If you are the real deal, let’s talk.

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    1. Happy! Thanks for the prompt PS DT. I appreciate your appreciation, even as your property values may be depreciating. On the advice of my fake lawyers, I cannot say yet if I am the real deal or even if I ate a real veal meal at lunch today, but I can say that I am happy to talk at any time, even if no one else is present. Thank you.
      (Also, thank you for this great comment! It was super and I liked it a lot!)

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