Here’s what Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should do next

While much of the world seems to be wondering what Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will do next, I would like to offer them a solution.

They are welcome to join my family.

Recently, the Royal Couple announced that they would distance themselves from the Royal Family and would work toward becoming financially independent. I think this sounds very good for them, and I admire them for making this big decision.

Since it is such a monumental change, though, I think they may need some help. And after carefully studying the situation, I am confident that joining my family makes the most sense for them.  Here are a few reasons why:

We have room for them – We have a spare bedroom they can use, if they don’t mind sharing it with my toolbox, some of the kids’ clothes, a few Christmas decorations and an old Mr. T puppet.

I can teach them how to live without any money from the British Monarchy – I have managed to make it my whole life so far without any Royal funds or dollars from British taxpayers. I can certainly help these two crazy kids and their young child also learn to live this way.

We have a blended family already – They would fit right in with the children and grandchildren, and no one will bat an eye. We will have to find some extra chairs for family dinners, but that will work out as long as Harry doesn’t mind sitting on a folding chair.

We need a goodwill ambassador for our family  – They have experience with this, and it would be great to have someone represent us at dinner parties, community events or other activities that I often go to when I would rather be home watching television.

We can help them with their personal security – I read that this was one concern about them leaving the Royal Family. I am happy to tell you that our cat provides excellent home security.  Away from the house, our cars have those high-security horns that go off whenever you don’t want them to.

No need for crowns or royal capes! – I am sure it will be a welcome relief. Those crowns look very uncomfortable. How do you drive wearing one of those things?

We have very few problems with paparazzi – I know this is hard to believe, but people rarely want to take my photo, even when I ask them to do so.  The grandchildren have to deal with having their photos taken quite a bit, but the rest of us do not have this issue. I expect it will be the same here with the Prince and his family.

We will encourage Prince Harry to use his last name more – What is his last name anyway? Why don’t they ever use it? He will need to put it down on his job applications around town.  I think I can help him find some work here. How about Burger King?

I can help Meghan Markle with her blog – I read that she had a very successful blog previously. I can probably give her a few good tips for her writing.  I sometimes get up to 40 views on some of my posts!

They can continue with their charitable work  – They can borrow my phone if needed, and I will even let Harry and Meghan use my computer (as long as they don’t mess with the settings too much!). I can drive them to some charitable events and Harry is welcome to borrow a few of my ties.

They will need to help out around here a little, though – They don’t need to do a lot, but it will be nice to have another person to help with cutting the grass, trimming the hedges and slaying the dragons.

I will buy them plenty of Royal Crown (RC) Cola to help them feel at home – I’ll be sure to pick up some English Muffins, too!

They can still take part in parades and public events here in Ohio – That seems to be main thing that royal people do. I will help them find events like that when they are not working.

No drawbridges to worry about! – We don’t even have a driveway! I think this will be another welcome change for Harry and Meghan.

They can play soccer with me – We need some more people for our rec league team, and Harry and Meghan can play on my coed team, as long as they remember to bring a blue shirt and a white shirt each week.

We are allowed to wear clothes more than once – No one cares if we wear the same outfit twice. We will help them with their laundry if they would like, but I don’t think one of those royal capes will fit in our washing machine. We’ll have to take it to one of those giant machines at the Laundromat. I have a feeling Harry will love those giant washing machines as much as I do!

Much less drama – No one in the family is worried about who will be king next, we have very few debates over the family fortune and no one cares who sits where at family events. In addition, national fashion trends are not decided by the clothes we choose and very few people debate the pros and cons of my haircuts.

It’s a great life here – I’m hoping Harry, Meghan and little Archie (whatever their last name is) will join us here in Ohio soon! I’ll be sure to put some extra towels out for them next to the Mr. T puppet in the spare bedroom!