Well, I don’t know about you, but my New Year’s resolution for writing more hasn’t worked out very well so far.
It has been a busy few months and I am way behind on writing. Thankfully, I have plenty of great reasons for why I have been so quiet lately.
With that in mind, here are my perfectly reasonable reasons for being so far behind on writing:
I am trying to be a minimalist – Isn’t less supposed to be more? Maybe the less writing I do, the better.
How can I write when there is so much drama in Washington, D.C.? – It is crazy to think about everything that happened in the last two or three months. I need to check social media every 5 minutes, which makes it hard to write.
I already wrote everything worth reading – Have you read my earlier posts? They speak for themselves (especially if you turn on a text to speech program). It’s hard to top greatness, and I have already covered most of the important topics of the century.
All of my writing is terrible – Have you read my earlier posts? What’s the point of continuing to write this drivel? How many times can I write about trash bags and paper towels?
Everyone else is better – Have you read the other posts on this website? I have read the work of so many great writers, and sometimes it is a little daunting to throw my text out there, too.
My hands are too cold – I can’t type like this. I should sit on my hands more and watch more videos on YouTube while I warm up.
I don’t have any good ideas – None of my ideas seem good enough to write right now.
Shouldn’t it be write and wrong instead of right and wrong? – When you think about it, our spelling of write and right seems to be backwards. I can’t be expected to come up with a good post when I am worried about all of this.
I have too many ideas and keep switching from topic to topic – I have good ideas about a recent power outage, words with a silent w, and paper towels.
I am worried about COVID-19 – I already wrote about COVID-19 related topics a few times. Surely, people want to read about something else. The only problem is that it seems like I am constantly thinking about COVID-19.
I have too much other work to do – I should focus on my main job, plus I need to take some time to clean up my office and other places in the house.
It’s too hot in here now – I can’t type in this heat.
What is that noise? I better go look – I think it was the cat, but I will listen closely for a while and won’t be able to focus on writing.
Maybe I should work on my other New Year’s Resolutions first – I haven’t made progress on any of them yet. The good news is that I have actually gained more weight in January, so when I finally get around to losing weight it will look more impressive.
The sun is in my eyes – I can’t write when it is too sunny in here.
Now it’s too dark in here – Why must my life be so difficult?
I read that writers need to write every day, but that seems like too much pressure – Maybe I should consider myself an “essayist” or a “columnist,” as I don’t think they need to write every day.
Maybe I am a “creator” – They at least get to take off every seventh day.
Now that you have read through my reasons, you can see why I have been unable to write anything.
I hope to post a column as soon as I have overcome these tremendous obstacles. And when I am once again free to write, you can be sure that you will read some outstanding prose from Nick Claussen!
Or, maybe I’ll just post something else about paper towels.