There’s no need for the top sheet! Or tiny bowls!

Like many people, I sleep nearly every day.

And as someone who sleeps, I never really questioned the sheets that were on my bed. I always assumed that I needed the fitted sheet and the top sheet, and that was that.

Recently, though, I read some rather controversial articles that stated that the top sheet really isn’t needed. And now I am led to believe that perhaps that was not that and instead was something else all along.

If you think about it, what exactly is the point of the top sheet?

If you are on the sofa and want to get warm, do you get a top sheet and/or a blanket? No, you just get a blanket because it is almost always more comfortable.

If it’s cold at night, do you pull up the top sheet to get warm? No, you pull up the blanket.

When the sheets get bunched up in the night, is it ever the blanket that causes the problem? No, it’s clearly the top sheet’s fault.

When you make the bed, what’s the hardest part of the process? That’s right, it’s fixing the top sheet. The blanket part is easy!

So why are we using these top sheets? Wouldn’t we be more comfortable without them? Has the proverbial top sheet been pulled over all of our eyes for all of these years?

This top sheet epiphany has made me think about other superfluous items that most people have, and I think we should call these “top sheet items.”

For example, someone might ask, “Do we need to purchase something certain at the grocery store this week? “ and the answer could be, “No, that’s a Top Sheet item, we will be fine without it.”

Or when financial people are making out budgets for their businesses, they can scratch out Top Sheet expenses in order to save some money.

Here are a few other Top Sheet items:

Mouse pads – Everyone used to have them and we all thought we needed them for our computers. Now we find out that a computer mouse works just fine without a mouse pad. How much money were we scammed into spending as a country on these Top Sheet mouse pads?

Washcloths and hand towels – When I want to buy a towel, I don’t want to also have to buy a miniature towel or the tiny towel, otherwise known as the washcloth. All they do is take up space on shelves. They are fine if you like them, but you don’t need either one of them! Just use a big towel and some soap and/or one of those fancy sponges that I won’t attempt to spell here. Washcloths and hand towels are definite Top Sheet items.

Little salad bowls and tiny plates – Why do these come with our other dishes? Why do we want little bowls of salad? If I have a good salad dressing, I want to eat a lot of salad in a normal bowl. And why do I want a tiny plate? Am I eating just one vanilla wafer? How many people really use them to put under their coffee cups? Can’t you use a coaster? These are definite Top Sheet dishes.

All of those buttons on my car stereo – All I really want is on/off, volume and change the station. I honestly am not sure when to turn the bass or treble up or down, and I don’t know what treble even is. I honestly have no idea what most of the other Top Sheet buttons on the stereo and around the dashboard are there for.

Rear Window Cleaning Fluid – C’mon, how often do you ever use this? I have had it in other cars before and for years could not figure out how to work it. I would sometimes turn on the cruise control while trying to clean the rear window. When I did finally figure it out, the washer usually didn’t work anyway. It’s just a Top Sheet expense the car dealers put in to try to jack up the price. I just tell the salesman, let’s cut out these Top Sheet items and make a deal!

Leaf blowers – I know many people love leaf blowers, and that’s fine, but they are just not my thing. How many leaves have to be in your yard in order to justify spending the money on a Top Sheet leaf blower? My rake was pretty cheap and I never have a problem starting it. And why do we have to rake the leaves out of the yard anyway? Granted, I don’t have trees with tons of leaves, but the leaves that do fall don’t cause much of a problem. And if the dead leaves make it so that the grass doesn’t grow so much next spring, why is that a bad thing?

Baldwin Brothers – Alec is fine and one or two more seems acceptable, but there are just too many of them. No one needs that many Baldwin Brothers! Billy is a fine example of a Top Sheet Baldwin brother.

Coleslaw with my meal in a restaurant – Why is coleslaw the side dish so often? Some people may love it, but to me it’s just okay. I would rather have a salad with good salad dressing. I don’t need that Top Sheet food item.

Columbus Day – I love holidays and days with no work/school, but I have no idea why Columbus Day is a holiday or what exactly we are celebrating here. It’s a definite Top Sheet holiday.

Bloggers who think they are funny – Honestly, there are too many of them out there already. All you really need is me, and a few bloggers who actually are funny.

 

Any thoughts on the top sheet or the top sheet items in your life? Feel free to comment below. Thanks.