Spiders and birds make my mornings interesting

It’s often hard to leave home for work in the morning.

It’s not just because I miss my family or don’t feel like going to work, but often when I leave a bird gets very upset and a spider tries to catch me.

The spider, you see, keeps building a web at night over the top of the front door. The web is at just the right height so that everyone else in the family walks under it, but I constantly hit it with my head. For the first few days, I forgot every morning and walked right into it.

And then when I remembered to look for it, I didn’t see it and walked into it anyway.

It’s a very frustrating way to start the day because I’m all dressed up for work and then suddenly have spiderwebs in my hair and on my shirt. It also makes me mad, which doesn’t help with starting the work day either.

And I usually imagine that the spider is somewhere laughing at me for walking into the trap every day.

“That Nick is so stupid,” the spider probably says. “He thinks he’s so cool, but he only has two legs. He should thank me for trying to fix his hair with my spiderwebs anyway. What’s he thinking with that haircut?”

I’m not sure why the spider is trying to catch me or how it thinks that web will do the trick, but he is certainly persistent. I’ll give him credit for that.

At the back door, meanwhile, a bird has built a nest at the edge of the roof right over the door. At first, we wondered why the back steps seemed to be messy all of the time, as they had twigs and pine needles and other items on them.

Soon after, we noticed that whenever we opened the door, a bird would fly away. That startled me every time I opened the back door for the first week or so, but now I only forget about it and get started by it about half of the time, so that’s quite an improvement.

“That Nick is so dumb,” the bird probably says every time I walk out the back door and it flies away. “Can’t he see we’re trying to eat worms here? I never disturb him when he’s eating worms. And what’s with his hair lately?”

So basically, if I go out the front door, I get spider webs in my hair and if I go out the back door, a bird flies away upset just a few feet over my head. I’m quite sure that it is going to relieve itself over my head soon, too.

I’ve tried going through the windows so as not to upset the spider or the bird, but that seems to upset my wife.

We think we have heard baby birds over the back door now, so hopefully they will grow up soon and the birds will move somewhere else. And when they do move away, I plan on making it so that they can’t make a nest up there again next year.

And I am hoping that since I knock down the spider web every day, at some point my eight-legged friend will move to another spot.

For now, though, I’m doing the only thing that makes sense. I plan on staying home from work today.