Would you rather be too hot or too cold? And other important summer questions

Summer gives you a lot of time to relax, think and ponder over important questions like the following:

Would you rather be too hot or too cold? I hear this question asked a lot and I can tell you the correct answer is no. I would rather not be too hot or too cold.

If I am forced to choose one or the other, though, I would easily choose too cold, as long as too cold does not mean in the single digits or below 0 Fahrenheit. If it means being cool rather than sweaty, then I would take cool any day. If you are cold, you just put on more clothes or get under a blanket, snuggle close to a loved one, watch television, nap or read a book. If you are too hot, you stink, get sweaty, get messy hair, try to avoid all other human contact, constantly feel uncomfortable, often cannot sleep and only want to consume cold drinks and ice cream.

Why does Steve Harvey have so many shows on television this summer? I like Steve Harvey and think he is funny, but what’s going on here? He has at least 6 different television shows on this summer (Family Feud, Celebrity Family Feud, The Steve Harvey Show, Little Big Shots, Little Big Shots: Forever Young and Funderdome). He’s like the CSI of gameshow hosts. How is he able to film so many programs? Does he ever go home?

Why do we need mosquitoes? I looked up information on mosquitoes on the internet thing and found that their main purpose seems to be to provide food for fish, birds and other animals. Scratch that, their main purpose seems to be to bite us and make us scratch at bites all of the time. I did find a few interesting facts about mosquitoes, including that the life cycle of a mosquito from larva to adult is about one month, and then female mosquitoes live up to 100 days while male mosquitoes only live about 20 days. The male mosquitoes lack the parts needed to penetrate the human skin, but with their looks and charming personalities, they can easily penetrate the hearts of female mosquitoes. Also, there are many different types of mosquitoes. In fact, and this is surprising, there are more types of mosquitoes than there are Steve Harvey shows.

Is it wrong that I like to see my dog panting in the summer just because it looks like he is smiling? He likes it when I am hot so he can lick the sweat off of my legs, so I think we are even. (Note: We do make sure he doesn’t get too hot).

Why can’t air conditioners be quieter? I love air conditioning, but sometimes the a/c units are so loud I can’t hear what anyone is saying. I just nod my head in agreement, enjoy the fact that I am cool and continue watching Steve Harvey.

Are horseflies the worst insects ever or the worst animals ever? I can’t stand horseflies. Let me correct that, I can’t stand female horseflies. Now, don’t go thinking I am entomisogynistic (prejudice against female insects), though, as I have a good reason. Just like the mosquitoes, only the female horseflies bite humans. Male horseflies lack the parts needed to feed on blood. Female horseflies, meanwhile have scissors-like mandibles that tear and cut the skin. Apparently, if you look at a horsefly under a microscope, the mouth looks like jagged saw blades. Also, if you look at a horsefly under a microscope, you have way too much time on your hands. And speaking of time, horsefly eggs spend 1-2 years growing in moist soil and water, but then they only live for a few days as adults. No wonder they are so mean.

Why does the same spider keep building a web right outside my back door every night so that I stick my head into it every morning? And why don’t I ever remember to duck?

Why are there so many Christmas in July movies on in the summer? And why do I keep watching them? Why isn’t Steve Harvey in more of them?

Why will worms risk their lives just to visit a sidewalk? And why do I need to spend so much time saving worm lives in the summer? These worms are constantly out on the sidewalks trying to get a wormtan or something like that, and then they stay there and get too hot and shrivel up. What are they thinking? C’mon worms! Get your heads together! I often find myself picking up worms and throwing them into the grass, which, I admit, may cause more damage than just leaving them on the sidewalk, but at least I’m giving them a fighting chance. Last week, I was walking on cement steps beside a hill, and the steps were just littered with shriveled up dead worms. It was like something out of a worm horror movie (although I bet that most worm horror movies deal with fishing). It was as if a herd of worms had been driven over the cliff by a bird or something like that. Why won’t the worms just stay in the grass or dirt? I’m sure we could learn a good lesson from the worms, but I have no idea what it is. Stay home in the summer?

How much longer is it until football season? However long it is, it’s too long. Until then, I’ll just enjoy walking through spiderwebs, picking up worms off the sidewalk, avoiding female insects and counting down the days until Monday Night Football, hosted, I hope, by Steve Harvey.

Any other summer questions, facts about female insects or thoughts on that crazy image of the cats at the top of this page? Feel free to comment below. Thanks.