A few items you think about when you have an injury

After hurting my back recently in an impressive sports injury, I had a lot of time to think.

Most of my pondering was about important topics such as why bad things only happen to me and what the Avengers will do next, but a few were focused on items that you think about when you have an injury.

I am sharing a few of the thoughts here in order to see if you share any similar questions or epiphanies when you have a sore back, sprained ankle or painful ouchie.

• I will never take being comfortable for granted again. Who cares about being rich and famous, I just would like to be able to sit in a chair without pain or walk a few steps normally again.
• I never realized how difficult it could be to put on socks. I honestly can’t reach my toes. How am I going to do this?
• Do I really need to wear socks to work?
• It is ouchie, not ouchy. I looked it up. Ouchy is apparently a popular lakeside resort in Switzerland.
• Look at those people over there just walking around like they don’t have a care in the world. I hate them.
• And look at that perfect posture! That guy’s just showing off.
• It would really hurt to get run over by a car today. I suppose it would hurt any time, but it would be much worse today.
• I think I will lie down to stretch my back to see if will help it feel better. How do I get down there?
• Ok, I’m down on the floor in my office to stretch. Is that allowed? What do I say if someone comes in here? Instead of a “walking meeting,” maybe I can I say that I am having a “lying meeting.”
• On second thought, maybe that’s not the best name for a meeting, no one would believe me.
• All right then, I stretched my back while down here on the floor and I feel a lot better. Too bad I have no way to stand up now.
• This would be a good time to have one of those desks that automatically shifts from a regular desk to a standing desk. I could just hit the rise up button, hang on and boom, I would be standing up. They should use that to market those desks.
• I never realized how many movements go into getting into and out of a car before. I literally have to make a plan for lifting my legs up in order to get out.
• Whoops, I dropped something on the floor. How much do I really want that? Not enough to attempt to bend down today. Someone else is going to have to pick that up.
• Look at those people over there jogging like they are all fancy. I bet they think they are special because they aren’t afraid to jump.
• Oh, the cat wants food. How am I supposed to reach her dish way down there? Maybe if I just drop a bunch of cat food from up here most of it will land in the bowl.
• I hope everyone leaves the room soon so that I can try to get out of this chair.
• I wish I was at the doctor’s officer right now.
• Better yet, I wish I had my own personal doctor who was on call to help me. Someone like the White House doctor would be great to have on call at all times.
• The doctor and I would be good friends. I bet we would play board games together, too, and maybe talk about things like his or her golf game and my thoughts on how classical music at one time was just referred to as music.
• I would hate to fall down the steps today.
• Here is how I imagine my health chart would read from The White House doctor:
• “Nick Claussen is the greatest patient ever. No one has ever been healthier than him. And oh my, what a back he has! It’s a shame that he ever wears a shirt!”
• If anyone asks why I’m walking like this, I will just say I am looking for my lost contact lens.
• Why is there never anything good on television when I am sick or injured? If I have to go to work or a meeting, there are like 10 television shows on I would like to watch.
• Look at those tv newscasters and how they sit so comfortably in their chairs and then swivel around to look at different cameras. Why must they taunt me?
• Here’s how my injury happened: I was playing goalie for the Blue Meanie rec soccer team and having a decent game with a few nice saves. I did give up one goal, but it wasn’t my fault that the ball went right off of my hands, over my head and into the goal. After that embarrassment, I made a few diving saves and then had the big injury.
• On this historic play, the other team kicked the ball toward me, I ran up in the goal box, bent over to pick up the ball and suddenly felt a lot of pain. I stood up slowly, tossed the ball to someone else and quickly subbed myself out of the game.
• Yes, I hurt myself bending over. I’m not sure which was worse, the pain in my back or my embarrassment. I was wishing someone had run into me or that I had jumped into the goal post, but no, I had just bent over.
• Of course, if I hadn’t bent over, that ball probably would have rolled slowly into the goal, so I did pretty much save the day.
• I probably need to rest my back and let it heal for a while. This would be a nice time for a vacation. Maybe I can get the whole family together and we can go relax in Ouchy.

Note: I am feeling much better now and am already taking feeling comfortable for granted again.