Top 5 reasons Apple should buy my blog

Apple became the first publicly traded company in the U.S. to be valued at $1 trillion or more last week, which means it’s time to get your next goal done, Apple and finally purchase my blog.

I have been hesitant to sell the blog, but after I read delicious news last week that Apple’s stock rose past $207.04 per share, which pushed the stock value to more than $1 trillion, I feel that now may be the right time.

Much like the Apple empire, my blog started from humble beginnings.

It hasn’t really gone anywhere past that yet, but I feel like it shares the well-known Apple core principles, as well as much of Apple’s appeal, and it would fit well in the Apple grove of products.

My friend Jonathan, in fact, says that Apple should purchase my blog because they are good at seeding new products like mine. Honestly, I would love to join the Apple tree, and I know that my content and Apple gel easily together!

Now I know that critics might think this is a foolish move, but I believe that it shows Apple’s sauciness in taking on this bold venture. And frankly, much of the success of Apple stems from the company’s willingness to take risks.

So if you are not sure about this move, I hope you will take Apple’s side ere you regret your decision! I am confident that I will soon receive a slice of the Apple pie, even if I have to worm my way in with tricky negotiations. If things get too complicated, I’ll juice up the conversation by saying, “Let’s not get bogged down here like we are walking around in honey or caramel Apple! Let’s make this honey crisp and seal the deal so that it works well for both of us. I only want a happy Apple, not a crab Apple,” and I think that will solve everything.

In addition, I am hoping to surprise them by showing Apple my Granny’s Smith Corona typewriter, which should be a fun moment.

Now that I have explained this thoroughly and you can see why I will have Apple buttered up for my purchase, here are my Top Five Reasons Apple Should Purchase My Blog Now That Apple Is Worth More Than $1 Trillion.

5. What have they got to lose? Seriously. The company has a value of $1 trillion! That’s a 1 with 12 0’s! Frankly, even if it didn’t make them much money, I think the blog would make Apple’s employees happy and proud. No company wants too much turnover, and I think my blog could definitely make an impact on Apple turnover.

4. This is unique content they can’t get anywhere else. Some may question why anyone would want to have this content anywhere else, but that’s beside the point. Recent studies show that readers are constantly pining for new content, and I believe that this blog will make readers pine Apple’s content!

3. I could use the money. I think it’s fair to look at this issue from my side. I’m only asking for $1 million and I doubt they would even notice that. The company is worth $1 trillion! I’ll put all of my chips on the table and then play them against the Apple chips in order to come up with a deal that will ensure the stock of Apple jacks up even higher!

2. I’ll change the name of my writing to inickclaussen.com or an iColumn if they like. Instead of being someone who cobbles together a few columns a month for my blog, I’ll be an Apple cobbler of regular posts in order to make them happy!

1. If Apple purchases nickclaussen.com, I will throw a big party that will feature music from The Fugees. Everyone loves a sweet gala, Apple included! I am not sure if they need a deed to purchase my blog, but if they do, I can deed Apple’s CEO my company at the party, too! I will make sure the contract for Apple wedges my blog into a great place in the company so that it benefits everyone. I firmly believe that my offer is a true deal for Apple, and I am confident that everyone will love my Apple’s true deal.

So, how do you like them apples? Some of the Apple jokes need to be read out loud (such as the apple cider, apple strudel, golden apples and candied apples lines), but even then you may just think they are rotten Apple jokes. Don’t let one bad Apple pun spoil the whole column, though! If you have any Apple comments or even an Apple whine, feel free to comment below, thanks!