Top Five Things My Dog and Cat Think While Staring at Me

My dog Scooter and cat Glenn always seem to be watching me. I can’t fault them for thinking that I am fascinating, but I have often wondered what they were thinking.

Today, though, through innovative technology that gives us the ability to make things up, I have compiled the Top Five Things That My Dog and Cat Think While Staring at Me.
5. Dog – “Are  you going to drop that? If so, may I eat it?” – My dog, just like most dogs (and teenagers) always wants to eat. If we give him a plate of our food, he will quickly devour it and then act as if he has no idea where the food has gone. “Where did the food go? How can I get more?” I could give him everything on my plate and he would still stare at me hoping to be given more food. He has no idea why I should ever have food while he is hungry, and he is always hungry.

5. Cat – “Feed me! Now!” – My cat is also often hungry. Of course, once you feed her, she will eat for a few minutes and then leave part of her food in the dish as if she is now disgusted by it. “This dry food is now cold. Let the dog eat this swill! Feed me new food! Now!’

4. Dog- “Did you spill food on your clothes? And if so, may I eat it?” – I often spill food on my shirt and pants, and after most meals Scooter will come over to sit with me and then slyly try to move his head around so that he can find any food on my shirt while he thinks I will not notice. He is very casual about it, and then quickly throws his tongue out to try to lick up any crumbs or grease. I’m really quite messy. “Please get up,” he thinks after a while. “I am sure you are sitting on crumbs, too.”

4. Cat – “Are you dressed up for work? Let me put some hair all over you. That looks much better now.” Glenn is an excessively hairy cat and she is constantly shedding on our clothes, the floor, the furniture, the dinner table, items I need to take to work, the neighbors and occasionally the poor dog, who is a little scared of Glenn.

3. Dog – “Will you take me outside so that I can relieve myself of waste? And if so, may I eat everything I find while I am out there, including waste from other animals?”

3. Cat – “Open the door so I may outside/upstairs/into any room you do not want me to enter. Actually, I’m not sure if I want to go through or not. How cold is it out there? Did I put enough hair in this room or was I going to leave more in the corner? What was I going to do? Do I want to eat more food? Is it going to rain? What is the barometric pressure today? Maybe I should scare the dog first. What’s that smell? I just don’t know if I want to go through or not.” She just cannot make up her mind and always wants me to open doors for her. It’s frustrating for me, but I understand that it is also frustrating for her, too. “When cats solve the great doorknob dilemma, we shall rule the world!”

2. Dog – ‘I think someone is here. I will protect the house. I am also scared. I hope the person is bringing food. It better not be another dog! I think someone is here! I think someone is here!” – I should note that Scooter gets this excited if people are walking by the house, a loud car drives by or I have a cap on when I walk into the house. He must not like my caps.

2. Cat- “Why is there another human here? Food? No? Ok, I will put hair on this jerk and then leave, probably to go to the litter box. You humans make me sick. And why are you wearing that stupid cap again?!”

1. Dog – “Please pet me. May I sit with you? I love you. Any food up here? No matter, thanks for petting me. Hey, you stopped petting me. Let me put my head under your hand in order to trick you into petting me. Ahhhhh. Hey, you stopped again. Let me lick your hand to remind you to pet me. Ahhhhh! That’s better. Please keep petting me. I love you.”

1. Cat – “Fine, you can pet me, but do it right or I will bite you. Say, that does feel good. I should stand up and stretch. Ahhhh. Wait a minute. That’s not quite right. That’s better. I love you, but I’m also about to bite you.”

Any other dog/cat thoughts that you or your pets think should be in the Top 5? If so, please just comment below. Thanks.

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