Suicide Squad: What DC did wrong, what they should do next

It can’t be this difficult for DC to make a good movie.

Suicide Squad should have been a slam dunk, but instead it was more like a guy dribbling the ball around with nowhere to go and then kicking it out of bounds. Basically, it was somewhat entertaining, but also kind of stupid and annoying.

Here are a few problems I had with the movie, along with a few spoilers and suggestions:

The Joker – After reading for two years about all of Jared Leto’s in-depth method acting and wacky antics on the set, the Joker just ended up being boring. He wasn’t funny at all, he didn’t seem like a criminal genius and I had no idea why any other criminals would ever follow him. He just seemed like a crazy person that other bad guys would probably shoot. Leto tried really hard to be different, but I question the decision to make the Joker super annoying.

The Joker didn’t do anything – Why was he in the movie? He really played no part in the plot, except for helping Harley Quinn deactivate the thing in her head, which also played no real part in the movie.

Why didn’t Harley Quinn leave at the end since the thing in her head was deactivated? – Why did she go back to jail? Why not run away? Isn’t she some crazy bad person?

Why would the people in charge put Harley Quinn in the Suicide Squad anyway? – She literally has no super powers, but they put her with these people with powers because she’s crazy? Because she’s the Joker’s girlfriend? All she does is swing a baseball bat. Couldn’t a police guy do that? Why not just get Alex Rodriguez? He needs something to do now.

Why wasn’t she in a regular jail cell anyway? – What point did that special cell have?

Couldn’t the police or Army have done pretty much everything the Suicide Squad did? – Why didn’t they just shoot the bad guys? All the Suicide Squad members could do was shoot the bad guys and also hit them with baseball bats and boomerangs. How is that any better? Aren’t there police officers who know how to throw a boomerang?

The first rescue mission made no sense – Did the boss assemble a super team just to rescue her? Why didn’t she just leave? Wouldn’t that have been easier?

Why would the bad guys keep trying to capture the Flag guy (see what I did there)? – Why not just kill him? Why was he so easy to capture? And if they were careful not to kill him early on, why did they want to kill him at the end?

Why was no one in the DC universe surprised there is a Crocodile/Man running around? – Why no backstory on how he got that way? I liked the character, but wanted to know more.

Why not more of a backstory on most of the Suicide Squad characters? – A movie just about Harley Quinn or Boomerang would have been better. Margot Robbie was great (although I did question the accents), and her character was entertaining and fun.

How is Boomerang a supervillain? – I liked the character, but didn’t quite understand how he ever helped. How does throwing a boomerang do much damage? The boomerang didn’t always even work.

How did being good at climbing things make that one guy a super villain? – Does he rob tree houses?

The main villains made no sense – What were the evil characters trying to do? Why didn’t  the boss person just destroy that heart thing earlier? Why was their evil plan so lame and easy to stop?

The solution to this movie was the same as the solution to Sharknado and Star Wars – When in doubt, just bomb it. That always works.

Why wouldn’t the government just get Batman and the Flash to work for them instead?

Why didn’t Batman or the Flash come to help? – Or, if Batman was so fired up to stop Superman, why didn’t he go out to try to stop the Suicide Squad when he found out they loose were in that made up city. He knows they are all bad. He put some of them in jail.

What was the name of that city anyway and why does every DC city name either mean “city” or end with the word “city.” – Metropolis, Gotham City, Keystone City, Central City…. Even the people who name cities in the DC universe are boring.

Why not make the main villain of the movie another super powered villain that one or more of the Suicide Squad members used to be friends with? – This would be much more interesting and it would lead to the Suicide Squad members questioning what they are doing. It would also lead to more interesting battles, as long as they didn’t make the main villain that guy who climbs things well.

Or, why not make the Suicide Squad go after someone who is pretending to be good but is secretly evil? – This way you have the whole “who is really good” debate and you’ve got a lot more for the Suicide Squad members to fight for and against. This works as long as they are not going after that Lex Luthor from Batman Vs. Superman. Ugghh.

None of this should be this difficult, and I don’t understand why DC doesn’t get it – Moviegoers don’t need a perfect plot, deep story or Oscar winning performances. If you want to make a good comic book movie, you throw in some scenes where the good guy(s) do something heroic, you make sure the audience feels good about these moments, you make something go wrong to either increase the odds against the heroes or make them doubt themselves, you throw in a few jokes to lighten the tone, you make the main characters somewhat interesting so the audience has a reason to cheer for them and you end with a big battle where the audience members hate the bad guys but are still interested in what they are doing.

Here is what DC has done instead – They made Superman into a droopy, mopey hero who kills people, only works at night or on cloudy days, was taught by his earth father not to help people and is now dead. Hooray! That’s a hero we can’t wait to see on the big screen! Batman, meanwhile, is an old, violent hero who wanted to kill Superman, even though Superman clearly saved the world. This old Batman at least is somewhat interesting, as are most of the members of the Suicide Squad (except for that woman with the sword. I didn’t’ get her at all) but they are not much fun. People who go to comic book movie want some fun! It’s not that difficult! You can still have a gritty movie that is somewhat fun!

DC should hire me to help with their movies – I can’t do any worse than they have already done, can I? I won’t make it like that Fantastic Four disaster (which was worse than the DC films). I like DC Comics and I’m happy they have made some changes in their film leaders recently. Geoff Johns is a great writer and I hope he can turn things around. At the same time, though, I think that I could improve the next few movies by at least serving as some sort of highly paid consultant or popcorn maker. I will wait by my phone.

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