As a low-level official in Nick’s House, I have decided to come forward to let you know that there is an active resistance going on behind the scenes.
We too have been disturbed by the hair-raising tails of Nick’s activities and we are working diligently to paws his actions in order to keep the house purring along smoothly.
For example, if Nick leaves papers on a table and I am worried that those documents may pose a threat, I will knock them to the floor. I have also been known to spill drinks on papers in times of emergency, and have even knocked plants on them if the situation warranted it.
In addition, if Nick is writing another terrible blog post that threatens to embarrass the house, I will sit on the keyboard in order to stop him. Nick is not smart enough to figure out what I am doing, and in most instances he actually ends up rewarding me for my subtle insubordination.
The members of the resistance agree that Nick’s poorly conceived economic programs will cause catastrophic problems if we allow them to be implemented as he wishes. Instead, I personally often move onto the high-level areas of the house in order to counter his actions and ensure that the House’s support services are distributed properly to reach those in the greatest need (in most cases, that is me).
In other instances, the other members of the resistance and I will loudly protest to Nick that he needs to provide food and economic benefits that go beyond his theory of trickle down food, which frankly has been very disappointing.
In terms of infrastructure, the resistance is also working to make improvements despite Nick’s limited understanding and expertise. For instance, while his plans for sewage treatment systems are mundane, we have expanded the areas where the waste can be placed for treatment and disposal.
Nick does have his good points, and we often enjoy his hands-on leadership style. We are disappointed that we not see this style more often, though, and we regret his focus on sports and anything involving water.
One current issue that is concerning the members of the resistance is our lack of access to certain areas of Nick’s House. We have been protesting, but we’ve barely started to scratch the surface in our efforts here.
At times, we will move quickly past Nick in order to gain access to certain offices and documents. He is usually too concerned with his hair or some other trivial matter and does not notice. I was within a whisker of being noticed in one of my recent missions, but I was able to avoid Nick when another member of the resistance distracted him by asking him about the roof and tree bark.
I should add that distracting him is not difficult. If he sits down to work on a project that concerns us, a member of the resistance will invite him for a walk to or to go to get something to eat, and he usually falls right for it. By the time he returns, he has forgotten what he was doing and then once he remembers, we just ask him additional questions.
One final item that disturbs us greatly is the amount of time he spends away from the house, as he leaves for long stretches of hours nearly every day without taking us with him or offering a reasonable explanation.
We have taken actions to try to keep him from abandoning his post, and have even resorted to throwing up different obstacles in order to keep him at the house longer. He usually ends up leaving anyway, though, which makes us wonder about our own security and how we will keep everyone fed, especially me.
I have tried to reason with him and tell him that I hurt by his actions, but he never seems to understand even if I say something simple like, “Me!” or “Ow!” or some combination of the two.
I think he is walking this way, so I will wrap this up quickly and then sit on the keyboard and mouse so he won’t even know I was doing anything. Oh, and maybe I can knock this mouse off of the desk, too. I hate that mouse!
5 thoughts on “An anonymous op-ed from the resistance inside of Nick’s House”
The resistance is widespread, organized, and savvy. Although the humans do not realize it, this household has four members. In addition to tactical maneuvers you describe, jumping up on counters, or trying to make a break for the door are excellent means of distraction. To FURther our cause, we demand frequent meals, as our strength must be sustained in order to be prepared for additional, more PURRvasive action. Vive la résistance!
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Thanks! I enjoy the input and especially the FURther information. The resistance is very strong.
The resistance is smart and frequently changes tactics to keep the household off balance, prepare yourself accordingly.
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Thanks! And I agree, the resistance is excellent at changing tactics. They are very, very sneaky, but somehow also adorable.
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Reblogged this on Author_Iris_Chacon and commented:
Nick Claussen knows what it’s like to try to write when certain family members don’t respect your efforts. Treat yourself to a laugh today. And, thank you, Nick.