What pointless lies do you tell? And do they also involve acting?

Isn’t it funny how often we lie for silly and pointless reasons?

I find that I do this a lot, often throwing in my extensive acting skills in order to make the lies seem more plausible. Sometimes I lie because I am trying to be polite and other times I really don’t know why the lies come out, they just do.

Here are some of the top times that I lie for really stupid reasons. I am betting that some of you do can relate to these situations.

At the grocery store – People are always in my way at the store, but I never want them to know that they are so I find myself lying and acting.

Say, for example, that someone is taking a long time standing in front of the bread that I want to buy. I will stand nearby, pretending to look over jars of pickle relish or whatever is there, carefully studying the perfect pickle relish purchase until they move their cart. I often spend much more time picking out pretend items than I do choosing items I am actually purchasing.

On some occasions, I will also take an old receipt out of my pocket and pretend I am looking at a grocery list.

Also at the store, if people will apologize about being in the way, I will never admit to them that they were in the way. “Oh, no, I was just standing here thinking about owls. I didn’t even realize that you were standing there for the last 13 minutes.”

When I say I am betting on something as I did in the third paragraph –– I’m not actually betting. I don’t even know how I would place a wager on such a bet.

While on the sidewalk – If get stuck behind someone on the sidewalk, I often pretend to check my phone just so that I can have an excuse to slow down and back away from the people (even though they likely have not even noticed me).

The other day, I was walking to a store when I came upon two friends who called me over to them. We had a nice conversation and then they said, “Ok, see you later” and headed toward their destination. The only problem was that they were going in the same direction I wanted to go. I couldn’t really follow them since that seemed awkward, so I said “Ok, great. Have a fun day,” and I changed directions and then went into a completely different store that I hadn’t planned on going to.

When you are in a store you don’t really want to be in – I’ll pretend to look over the items for a while so as not to hurt the feelings of whomever is working there. If they ask if I need any help or strike up a conversation with me, then I feel obligated to buy something just to be polite. “This is just the air freshener I was looking for!”

When people ask if you are hungry – I can never admit I am hungry. “No thanks,” I’ll say for no good reason. Usually, I am hungry and the people would probably like it if I ate whatever they are offering. If they ask two or three times, then I may admit I am hungry and I can finally try what they are offering. It’s a rather complicated and stupid process.

When people offer food that includes rhubarb – I won’t admit that I have never tried rhubarb. I just say that I don’t like it. I just don’t want to try rhubarb pie or anything else with rhubarb. I should add that this question doesn’t come up very often.

If you are talking to a person you don’t know well, and there is something on that person’s face– Everything is normal. I’m just going to look over there or at my phone while we are talking.

When you are President of the United States – You apparently lie about EVERYTHING! And it’s often for no good reason.

When you pull up along another car at a stoplight – This does not involve speaking, just acting. I act like I haven’t been singing, I try to look like I’m not trying to see who is in the car next to me and I pretend I am much cooler than I am.

At the home improvement store – “Sure, I know what you’re talking about with that part. That doesn’t sound too hard to do,” I might say. I honestly have no idea what they are talking about or how to begin this project. The same can often be said for talking to the auto mechanic, an IT person or a financial expert.

When you get a free sample at the grocery store – First I say, “No thank you,” and then I relent and say something like, “Ok, I guess I can try a little. Thank you! This is delicious. I am certainly going to buy this. What is this called again? Oh yes, rhubarb relish. Thank for introducing me to this. I’m just too full to eat this whole tiny cup worth of it, and I have to buy the other items on this list. Oh yes, I’m off to buy an air freshener!”

Do you have any lies to add to the list? If so, feel free to comment below. Thanks!