Kidney Stoned – A tale of pain, perseverance and peeing

While staying at home with a kidney stone, you have plenty of time to think.

So while having a kidney stone problem recently was no fun at all, I thought it would be fun to share with you a few things that go through your mind when you have a kidney stone.

• I wonder how long this will last? It will probably be done later today 😊 (Note: It may be done in a day or two for many people, but it was much longer for me. ☹)
• I always heard that passing a kidney stone is bad. I wonder if the actual passing of it will be the worst part? (Note, it was definitely not the worst part, not by a long shot. It didn’t feel good, but the pain when it was moving or not moving around was much worse.)
• Maybe if I lie on my right side, it will feel better.
• Maybe if I lie on my left side, it will feel better.
• Maybe if I like on my back, but also put a pillow under me so that I lean to the left it will feel better.
• Maybe if I tell God I will become a minister it will feel better.
• Why didn’t I drink more water before on every day of my life?
• How can they want me to drink more water now or all of these other drinks? I can’t drink anything else.
• I just got comfortable and now I have to pee again. Will it hurt or make me feel better?
• I used to like Blue Powerade, and now it seems terrible. I don’t even like the smell of it.
• Doughnuts smell awful now, too.
• I must be very sick. I love doughnuts. Curse this kidney stone!!!!

• I am never eating kidney beans again!
• I guess I will drink more water again.
• I guess I will pee again, too.
• Is the pain moving? Maybe it’s coming out!
• It did not come out.
• My brother Marty had a kidney stone earlier this year. He was telling me about his a few weeks ago and it sounded terrible. I bet he gave me this one! I didn’t know he was contagious. Stupid brother.
• Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to lie down on my left side? Some people can just do that whenever they want. I will never take that for granted again.
• If this is supposed to be the closest a man can come to feel what it is like to have a baby, then why don’t people give me gifts? You could call it a Kidney Stone Shower.
• I rarely take baths, but baths are amazing if you have a kidney stone. The pain decreases, you get to relax and it is awesome. If you have a kidney stone, I strongly recommend taking baths.
• Maybe at a Kidney Stone Shower they could give me gifts of bath soaps and toys. I would like to have a toy boat to play with in here.

• I have been told that drinking beer will help me. I am drinking beer. I like this prescription.
• They could also give you gifts of beer at the Kidney Stone Shower.
• I am not drinking olive oil. It sounds terrible.
• Speaking of drinking, I should go pee again.
• Remember when I used to exercise?
• Remember when I didn’t have to pee into this stupid little straining cup?
• Remember when I used to leave the house?
• I have no desire to go anywhere.
• Scratch that, I do want to go to the bathroom again.
• I hope they remember me at work when I am better.
• If I go to work and it hurts again, will they mind if I lie down under my desk?
• It’s not like I don’t already do that on some afternoons when I have “meetings.”
• The hospital procedure sounds uncomfortable, but it has got to be better than this. I just want this stupid thing to get out.
• I can’t wait to go to the hospital so they can stick some laser thing up inside of me!

• Hospitals are cold. Why are they so cold?
• What exactly is this doctor going to do to me again? How is that laser getting in there? How much pain medicine will you give me?
• I don’t feel very sleepy yet. When will this start to…zzzzzzzz
• Is it over? Where am I? Who is this guy? How did I get back in my bed?
• Should I drink more water and beer? Can I pee again or is that going to hurt? (Note: It did hurt, but went away eventually).
• I am so glad it is over!
• I am so glad it doesn’t hurt anymore!
• I’m so glad I don’t have to pee in the stupid straining cup anymore.
• I feel so free!
• I am going to lie down now and just switch sides whenever I want!! Life is good.
• And as long as I drink a lot of water and change my diet a little from now on, life should be great.