Often when I walk by people I know and say “Hello,” they say something like, “How are you?”, “How ya doing?” or “You have something in your teeth.”
I am never sure if “How are you?” means the same thing as “Hello” in this context or not, so I usually say “I’m good. How are you?” They, of course, usually don’t reply because they are too far away from me by then or because they didn’t want to have a whole conversation with me in the first place.
The fact is, though, that they are the ones who asked the question, so I feel it is my duty to reply. But while my answer is always “I’m good. How are you?” there are plenty of other responses I would prefer to give.
In order to help others with these difficult situations, our judges have put together the Top Five Answers to “How Are You?”
First a few honorable mentions:
- I have a toe cramp.
- I’m ticklish.
- How much time do you have?
- The pizza is in the chicken coop (said in a quiet but very serious tone as if you are in a spy movie).
- My back itches. Do you mind helping me with that?
- Taller than my brothers.
- To be honest, I’m glad you asked. I’ve been meaning to talk with you about this for quite a while now. I am putting on a one-man show, “Nick Claussen: The Nick Claussen Story,” and I would like to offer you a special discount on tickets. How many can I put you down for?
And now our Top 5!
5. How am I what?
3. Why are you asking? Is this part of a survey? Are you the person who keeps calling me?
2 I have something in my teeth.
1. I have to pee.