As part of my continuing study of how people react very differently to the exact same situation, I posed the same question to a series of people in order to see how they would respond.
For today’s study, I simply asked for directions. Here are the completely scientific responses:
Cheerleader – Turn to the left, turn to the right, go for two miles, fight, fight, fight.
Robert Frost – Take this road until you get into the woods. When you get there, it gets a little tricky because all of a sudden the road will split into two roads for no good reason. You are going to want to take both of them, believe me, but you can’t. Sigh. My advice is that you should stare at them both for a while and then take the road that looks like it is not driven on very often. It will make all of the difference.
Voice Activated Service on my phone – Here is a list of famous directors.
Politician – My opponent would tell you to take the toll road that will cost you your hard-earned money and will take precious time away from your family. My opponent doesn’t know what it’s like to be responsible for taking your family from one place to another. No, my opponent only worries about lobbyists and fat cat friends. I, on the other hand, have a tremendous plan for getting you to your destination. I am not yet prepared to release it, though, but check back with me in a few weeks. Now, how about a photo?
My cat – Why are you bothering me?
A corporate IT technician – Have you tried restarting your trip? Maybe if you turn your car off and back on that will work to get you where you want to go.
Any man – Why are you asking for directions? I am sure you can figure it out.
Super villain – Take this street south for about two miles (points to a one-way street that goes north and then laughs maniacally).
Any teenager – It’s fine. When do we eat?
Beyonce – To the left, to the left. Everyone in your group goes straight for one mile and then turns to the left. You must not know ‘bout directions. You must not know ’bout directions.
Country singer – I’d take you there myself, but my wife just left me and drove off in my pickup with my old dog, Blue.
R.E.M. – If you are confused, check with the sun. Carry a compass to help you along. (Note: R.E.M gives terrible directions. They basically just want you to face north, then west and then north again.)
My wife – Why didn’t you ask 50 miles ago?
Bad poet –
To get to the place where you are feeling your call,
Travel down the street and then stop at the mall.
Enter through the door painted white,
Take four steps and turn to your right.
You will find the restroom there, it’s right down the hall.
Soap opera character – I (pause) don’t want you to leave (pours a drink and then sips it in a very attractive manner). Damn it Nick! (throws down the drink) You can’t leave now, not when I’m about to take over the family fortune! All right, I’ll give you the information you need (takes off glasses), but there is something I need from you first (stares at the wall for a long time).