As part of our continuing study of how people react differently to the exact same situation, we asked all of our test subjects the same question and then wrote down their responses.
Today, we asked them, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Here are the answers we received:
President – I have no reason to believe that the chicken actually did cross the road. Maybe he was looking for water like he was on some sort of RIGGED DITCH HUNT! And even if the chicken did cross the road, there is no law against crossing the road!
Coach – I couldn’t be prouder of the chicken. We have been practicing our crossover moves all week, and he executed it perfectly. We gave 110 percent this week, but now we’re moving onto the next road, which is going to be the toughest road we’ve had to cross so far.
Eye doctor – Well, he either crossed the road to get to the chicken house or to get away from a fox. Which explanation seems clearer to you? Does reason number 1 seem better, or does reason number 2? Number 1 (pause) or number 2?
Politician – The chicken, just like my opponent, is a flip flopper. One minute he’s on one side of the road and the next, he is on the other. If I am elected, you can be sure that I will stay on my side of the road, the road to economic prosperity and greatness!
Teenager – It will be fine.
Soap opera character – I know why, but I can’t tell you. I swore I wouldn’t! But I must! No, no, it’s too painful. All right, I will tell you, damn you, but only because I love you. I hate you! (Pauses to pour a drink) It wasn’t the chicken that crossed the road, it was me! (Takes a drink and then stares off wistfully) And after I went across the road, I then went back again. So now you know, I’m sorry, but you must know, I’m the double crosser!
Person who makes terrible puns (also known as me) – The chicken felt hen-pecked at home and was in a fowl mood, so it decided that it was the eggs–actly right moment to leave. Feeling game about crossing the road, the chicken got cocky and decided to just wing it.
Grandmother – That’s nice honey.
Tough guy police detective – I’ll ask the questions around here. You were with the chicken the day that it crossed the road, weren’t you? You were hungry, and you wanted the chicken dead, didn’t you! Don’t try to deny it! Our officers checked out the other side of the road and you now what they found there? A grill! And guess whose fingerprints were all over it? Don’t have so much to say now, do you, smart guy? And hey, what’s this in your coat pocket? Ahh yes, just as I suspected, a bottle of barbecue sauce. That’s all the evidence we need. Get him out of here boys, and somebody get me a napkin!
There once was a chicken who walked across the road,
Everyone thought he was brave, heroic and bold.
But he didn’t do it for love, fame, money or even fine wine,
No, just crossed when he noticed the WALK sign.
Tour Guide – On the opposite side of the road, you will see a fox. On this side of the road, you will see a chicken house with a fence and plenty of feed. That chicken house was actually featured in the classic film, “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken,” and you can take photos of it up ahead. Please move quickly across the road and keep your hands in. Here you can see the acorn that fell on Chicken Little’s head, which served as the final impetus for the chicken to cross the road and speak with Henny Penny.
Col. Sanders – Which way did the chicken go anyway?
Philosopher – Why do any of us cross the road? To get the mail? Does the road symbolize challenges in our lives that we must overcome? You’ll noticed that you never hear of the chicken going back across the road once again. It crosses the road just as Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon so long ago. Once you take that step across the road and cross your own Rubicon, you move onto the next block of your life, and you just keep crossing more and more roads until you arrive at your final henhouse. Perhaps the key to peace and enlightenment is to listen to your inner chicken voice and cross your own roads while moving in a direction that is always cluckwise.