I am writing to you in order to share my concern over some of your recent work. Frankly, it has been substandard to say the least.
In previous years, your work here has been exemplary and has been celebrated. Often, you get to work early bringing warmth and sunshine. Your arrival each year improves our moods, gives us a reason to work outside and encourages us to take part in festivals and community gatherings.
This year, though, we are a month past your official start date and you have barely been to work at all! Where have you been? You have left many of us grumpy and confined inside where we are forced to watch way too much news about politics, which just worsens our moods.
I can say that you have started working a few times and I was thankful for that. Each time you started, though, you quickly left your post unattended so that it was cold and miserable again. What have you been doing?
In January, I told everyone that if we could just get through the cold and snow of February, then March would arrive and you would bring nice weather. And then when February was here, I said “It will just be a few more weeks. Trust me, it will be great!”
And now it is past the middle of April and I look like a fool. It has been cold and dark and even snowy outside this month. Why must you mock me like this?
It did warm up one day a few weeks ago, so I decided to work outside. It was a delightful day to work in the yard, so of course I got poison ivy on my hands and legs. The next day, it snowed and I was cold, grumpy and itchy. Frankly, I blame you.
How am I supposed to explain to anyone that I have poison ivy and frostbite at the same time?
What is the deal with you? Was it something we said? Are you just waiting for Avengers: Infinity War like the rest of us? I know I have trouble concentrating on my work with the movie still a week away, but I would hope that you could at least bring warmth and sunshine during the work hours and then let the cool temperatures return the evening when we are all looking up movie trailers and other information on the internet.
I honestly don’t mind winter, but I just don’t want five months of it each year. If I did, I would live somewhere that has 20 different names for snow (even though that seems wasteful).
Are you taking spring somewhere else this year? Have you sprung on someone else? I never thought you would cheat on us like this! Fall, sure, I kind of expected that. But Spring? I never would have imagined.
We will try to do better to win you back. I promise that I won’t complain about the rain, bugs or even the mud that the pets and children will track into the house. I will enjoy pulling weeds and will celebrate all of the sneezing that you cause.
I am planning to work outside today and this weekend and am counting on you to do your job. If you do not, I will be asking for my money back or for extra spring in 2019.
Thank you for your time, now please get to work. Oh, and please ask summer for more days in the 80s this year and fewer days in the 90s.