Top 5 Items I Should Be Able To Do As An Adult But Can’t

I am able to fulfill most of the requirements of being an adult, but I still find myself failing at several basic responsibilities.

I am able to wake up with an alarm, go to my job, work around the house and handle most adult chores such as ridding the house of spiders, but I often end up struggling with a few basic items.

With that in mind, I worked with our judges to create this list of the Top 5 Items I Should Be Able To Do As An Adult But Can’t.

First a few honorable mentions:

Cutting a pizza into equal sized pieces – I try to cut the pizza correctly, but it never works out and always ends up like this photo. How do others do it? Do they use a protractor or compass? Is it all about angles? Should I have paid more attention in geometry class back in high school?

Sitting up straight – I can do this for a little while, but I always want to lean my chair back or slump down in a chair. It seems like responsible adults should sit up straight and have nice posture, but I just can’t do it.

Wrapping a present – How do other adults make them look so nice? I always end up taping extra pieces of the paper onto the present in order to cover the bare spots.

Knowing the state capitols – I know several, but it seems like adults should know more of them. And to be completely honest, my geography knowledge is pretty limited. I’m not sure I could tell you exactly where Arkansas is.

Talking about the stock market – It seems like I should go to dinner parties where I drink scotch or wine and discuss the stock market with my friends from “the club.” I don’t do any of those things. I often discuss the super market on my blog while I drink pop, but that doesn’t seem to be the same thing.

5. Folding paper correctly – I don’t know how other adults fold things in a straight line. In a related matter, I also can’t carry papers without folding them or rolling them up.

4. Putting lists in alphabetical order quickly – Does U come before or after V? I need to go through the whole alphabet in my mind every time in order to remember. What about K and J?

3. Cooking food without burning it – Other adults cook amazing meals and have their own special dishes. I have no special dishes.

4. Counting backwards correctly – Actually this one is a tie between counting backwards correctly and not constantly making bad jokes. I should add that I also still laugh out loud at my own bad jokes, which doesn’t seem like a very adult thing to do.

1. Tying my tie so that it doesn’t flip sideways halfway through the day – I actually like wearing ties, and I do know how to tie them so they look nice for a few hours. After that, though, they constantly flip sideways or lean to one side. How do other adults get their ties to say in line? Why wasn’t this taught in school? Does this relate to geometry, too? Is it a folding problem? Is it due to bad posture? Why won’t ties stay in place?