Fall can mean many things to different people.
For some, fall is a time for reflection as we enjoy the fleeting days of warmth and sunshine with family and friends, and we prepare for the winter ahead of us with hope and joy.
For others, it’s a time to eat as much candy, turkey, pie and other foods as possible.
It is the perfect time of year to break out the sweatshirts, forget about summer and relax on the sofa. The only need for family and friends in these instances is to get us more snacks so that we don’t have to leave the warmth and comfort of our blankets and televisions.
For still others, fall means to take a trip, either down south or down to the ground. I did the latter last week while walking on a sidewalk filled with people that I tried to trick into thinking that meant to trip on purpose.
Sometimes it’s good to jog after you trip to make it look natural, other times it works to say something like “Those dang squirrels!” or “How is that not a foul?”
Either way, fall has definitely arrived, as the temperature fell roughly 50 degrees last week in my city. And while I have been enjoying/complaining about the change in seasons, I also had a few thoughts on fall in 2018.
Pie in the face fundraisers – I have seen at least three “pie in the face” fundraisers in my town in the last week, and I just don’t understand how these make money. Why would I want to pay money to put a pie in your face? Do you think I am some sort of sociopath who enjoys throwing pies into strangers‘ faces? Wouldn’t this just create an instant enemy for me? I might be trying to help a charity, but secretly you would always remember I was the jerk who wanted to pay money to put a pie in your face.
It’s a little like a dunk tank that people pay money to try to dunk someone in water. I don’t understand those either, but at least those are kind of a game to see if you can hit the lever with a baseball. With the pie in the face, it’s me just paying money to be mean! I might pay to eat a piece of pie on the street, but I am not going to spend money on pie and then just waste the pie. I should add that I have seen several of these this fall, so they must be making some money. Perhaps I am just to old to understand them. Or maybe I just get upset when people waste pie.
Million dollar idea for fall – Computer keyboards should have heaters in them. It’s often hard to work on a computer in a chilly room in the fall because it’s difficult to type. You can bring in a space heater, but they heat up your feet first and then it takes a while to get your hands warm. If a keyboard had heating element in it that could blow out heat or just make the keyboard warm, it would be so much easier to type in the fall or winter.
Ginkgo trees – While I love how the leaves change in the fall and the trees get ready for winter, I hate how the ginkgo trees drop their stinky fruit. The trees look nice and I am sure they have some great benefit I don’t know about, but it’s like the trees are just dropping dog poop all over the sidewalks. I would like to put a pie in the face of whoever planted ginkgo trees in my city.
Political advertisements – Perhaps the worst thing about fall is all of the political ads. Most of the ads on television are terrible, as they are only trying to scare people about the other candidates with lies and comments taken out of context. “Did you know that Candidate A once paid money to hurt and embarrass another person! (Candidate A actually paid for a pie in the face fundraiser) You just can’t trust Candidate A.” Or it is something like this, “Candidate B claims to not worry about poll numbers, but now Candidate B is asking voters to go to the polls on Nov. 6. What is it candidate B? Do you care about the polls or not? What else will candidate B flip flop and lie about next?” As much as I love fall, I can’t wait for mid-November when the political ads will stop. They are worse than a ginkgo pie in the face.