Christmas presents can result in some very different reactions

I am often amazed at how people can react so differently to the same situation.

In order to study this phenomenon further, we put together focus groups and presented the exact same situations to different people in order to see how they would react.

Today’s study (which is part one if this goes over well), involves presenting a Christmas gift to these different individuals and then studying their reactions. We are listing each individual and quoting their reactions:

presentPolitician- I am truly honored to receive this gift and can honestly say that it is the finest gift that I have ever been given. I humbly accept your nomination for this gift and will promise you that I will use it in order to improve our city, country and world. This gift is a symbol of the true American spirit and you can be sure that I will use it to the best of my abilities. Now then, how would you like me to vote?

Teenage Boy – It’s fine.

Television Sports Commentator – I am all but shocked to see this tremendous present, which looks nothing short of amazing. If you are asking me to predict if the gift is either a race car or an action figure, I can definitely say this will be a race car. At the same time, I wouldn’t be surprised if it is an action figure. I love the form involved in carrying the package over here, but the pass was a little sloppy and nearly led to a turnover. I am impressed with your present presence, tenacity and bow awareness.

Shopping Channel Host – Thank you for this wonderful gift! Wow, the wrapping is exquisite and let’s take a look at this card. Oh my, I believe it an original handmade card, using ink taken directly from northern hemisphere squids. And this wrapping paper, how much do you think this sells for? $100? $200? I will sell this wrapping paper back to you for just three simple payments of $19.99.

U.S. President – This is the most wonderful and hugest gift ever. I want to thank myself for being so deserving of this tremendous honor, as I am the first person to ever receive such a gift.

Coach of Any Sport – I thank you for this gift, but we can’t look ahead to Christmas. It is just another day to this team, and we focus 110 percent on taking each day one day at a time, really it’s more like each hour at a time. Gifts and accolades are fine, and I am sure I will appreciate this gift when I retire and look back at my career. For now, though, I will look at this gift just as I look at every other gift and we will work together to prepare the best thank you notes that we can. We will also focus on capitalizing on our mistakes so that we do not have any additional capitalization errors. Next question.

Soap opera character – (Stares at you for a minute before saying anything) This gift (long pause again) is the same gift that I gave to my late wife’s long lost twin sister when she was working as a spy for my business rival, who turned out to be my wife. How did you get it? (Turns to pour himself a drink and then holds the drink in his hands while staring at you silently for another few minutes.)

Executive Manager In Charge of Administration – I hope that this thank you response finds you well. It is with great sincerity, truthfulness and genuineness that I humbly accept this considerate, thoughtful and hospitable gesture of your altruistic and generous nature. Peer tested research has shown and exemplified that synergistic outreach practices such as this most recent example lead to outcomes that are valued and cherished by cross sections of our community and society, as well as societies around the world and the globe, and enable us all to avoid elevator shafting while we strive together so that we can all act as gifts to each other that we will all accept with thankfulness, gratefulness and contentment.

Bad Poet – I thank you for this treat, I really think it’s neat. I open the box, and pull out some socks. I hope they fit my feet.

News Announcer – We are live here with some breaking news. Someone is walking toward me with what appears to be some sort of package. Some sources are claiming it is a gift, but that has not been confirmed yet. In addition, no group has yet claimed responsibility for the alleged gift. Hold on, something is being handed to me, and it is a gift. I can confirm that it is a present. At this time, we have no way of knowing what is inside this gift but our special guests are here to debate what may or may not be inside. Is it a White Elephant gift? And if so, what does that mean anyway? Coming up at 11, we’ll have a story on a young man from Athens, Illinois who recently tried to actually wrap an entire elephant for gift.

25 thoughts on “Christmas presents can result in some very different reactions

      1. Have you ever read William McGonagall? He was a Scottish poet whose poems were so bad they bordered on genius. My favourite is ‘On yonder hill there stood a coo /It’s no there noo / It must have shifted’. There used to be a story that the students of the town would go and hammer on his door in the middle of the night to wake him up, in revenge for his poems.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. The prez is spot-on,but may be a bit much for the over-sensitive (A very rapidly growing demographic). I also really like the executive manager, it really took me back to the good (?) ol’ days.
    Feel free to write as many follow=ups as you like.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I did wonder if anyone would mind the prez one and I don’t want to offend, but it did seem about right to me, too. Thanks for the feedback and I will do some follow ups now, too. Good win for your Panthers this week sir.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As the mother of a teenaged girl, I can verify the teenage boy response is universal teenager response. Also, wife response to the practical gift – “It’s great. No really. I appreciate the thought. I love you”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Waiting for the next installment.
    Customer Service Agent- I am sorry that you felt it necessary to bring this gift to me, I will try to solve the problem of this present, we have looked into this matter and will get back to you with an answer as soon as possible. I hope I have helped, please consider taking a short survey at the end of this transaction to give your opinion on how I solved your present problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What would a heel pro wrestler say about the gift? Maybe:

    “It’s so good to be back here in (town name) … said no one EVER! This city SUCKS!”
    (crowd boos)
    “And this gift you’ve given me—it’s PERFECT … for use as a toilet!”
    (crowd boos more)
    “I’ve never seen so many hillbillies in one room. It looks like 100 villages lost their IDIOTS! And then those IDIOTS gave me this gift!”

    Liked by 1 person

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