This is Part Two of our study of how people react to receiving Christmas gifts.
In order to better understand how people can respond so differently to the same situation, we put together focus groups and presented the exact same scenario to different people and then wrote down their reactions.
Basically, we gave each person a present to see what would happen. So, if it’s not funny or interesting, remember that it’s not my fault because it’s just science.
This portion of the study also includes a few responses submitted by bloggers doing their own research into this important topic. You can read Part One of the study here.
Super Villain – No one has ever given me a gift before. Why would you do this? Tell me or I will shoot you with my death laser. Here, sit down in this comfortable chair and explain yourself. (Sits down in his own swivel chair and puts his feet up on his evil desk). You mean it’s just a gift to me? (Tears start running down his cheeks). No one has ever given me a gift before. I’ll be good from now on, you can take my word on it. And to thank you for this gift, I have something for you, too. (Opens his desk drawer and pushes a button that releases a trap door under you, while he laughs an evil laugh.) I guess you could say that after opening it, I just didn’t like your “presence.“ (More maniacal laughter.)
Pop Radio Station Commercial Guy – Thank you for this gift, gift, gift on Christmas. It’s Depeche Mode December and this gift has reached out and touched me. Merry, Chris-Chris- Christmas from all of your friends at W-Ho-Ho-Ho.
Professional wrestler – “It’s so good to be back here in (town name) … said no one EVER! This city SUCKS!”
“And this gift you’ve given me—it’s PERFECT … for use as a toilet!”
(crowd boos more)
“I’ve never seen so many hillbillies in one room. It looks like 100 villages lost their IDIOTS! And then those IDIOTS gave me this gift!” (The wrestler then hits his partner in the back of the head with the present.)
Scientifically researched by Andy from the always interesting NotThatYouAsked blog.
Tour Guide – In front of me you will see a present. This gift dates back to last Christmas when someone else first gave it to you. On the right you will see the price tag that was accidentally left on the package. If you look up ahead, you’ll see the cousin who will receive this gift next year.
Customer Service Agent- I am sorry that you felt it necessary to bring this gift to me, I will try to solve the problem of this present. We have looked into this matter and will get back to you with an answer as soon as possible. I hope I have helped, please consider taking a short survey at the end of this transaction to give your opinion on how I solved your present problem.
Carefully researched by the very creative WhenParkSpeaks blog.
Yoda – Holidays Happy, this gift I thank you for. Not wrapped well this present is. There is no wrapping paper, just paper. Big burgundy bouncy ball it is. Teach you the ways of the Four Square I shall.
A wife’s response to a practical gift – “It’s great. No really. I appreciate the thought. I love you.”
Scientifically submitted by Amy from the outstanding Aloe and Moss blog.
Super fan of practically any pop culture item – This present is great, but presents were so much better back in the 1990s (or pick any decade). Presents today are all the same, wrapping papers, bows and usually some sort of a box. This present is terrible.
Postal Service Employee – What is the value of the present? If it is lost or damaged what would you like me to do? Does it contain any liquids? Thank you for delivering this yourself!
Me – I wonder what this present is? More importantly, can I use it for some sort of post on my blog? Post is an interesting word. You can have a fence post, blog post, Post cereal, post office, outpost, poster and you even post up in basketball. I wonder what the Top 5 Cereals are? That would be good to write about. What was I thinking about again? Oh yeah, someone just handed me a gift. Is it an award for my writing? Award is an interesting word. You can go forwards and backwards, and you can win awards. Why don’t we say sidewards? It actually is a word. I like the sentence, “Is award a word?” They should call a dictionary a word ward. What was I thinking about again?