Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is cherished holiday favorite, but the song has several problems that have nothing to do with the nose.
Frankly, the shiny red nose seems plausible to me. If deep sea creatures and fireflies have parts that light up, why couldn’t a reindeer?
No, our judges are concerned by several other parts of the song, so they put together this important list of the Top Five Problems With Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.
First, we have one Honorable Mention:
You’ll go down in history – He is not in any history books that I know of, so he definitely didn’t go down in history. That part of the song is just wrong. Also, maybe Rudolph doesn’t want to go down in history just for his nose. He has a mind, too, you know.
5. The most famous reindeer of all – The song begins, “You know Dasher and Dancer…..” and then it gets to, “But do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.” That makes no sense. If we all know Dasher Dancer and the rest, but the narrator is asking us if we remember Rudolph, then there is no way he could be “The most famous reindeer of all.” Dasher, Dancer and the others are clearly more famous than Rudolph, according to the song.
4. The red nose needed to guide the sleigh through fog – I fail to see how someone’s glowing or shiny nose is able to make that much of a difference in the fog. Why can’t Santa just fly above the fog? What is Santa worried about running into, other flying reindeer? And if the nose really is super bright, wouldn’t that be a detriment in the fog? If you are driving in fog, you never use your bright lights because they just make it harder to see.
3. Then all the reindeer loved him – Reindeer sound like jerks. They made fun of Rudolph because he was different, but now they love him just because he saved Christmas? What kind of a message is that? You have to either conform to society or save Christmas? If I were Rudolph’s father, I would first get myself tested to find out why my son is glowing, but right after that I would tell Rudolph that those other reindeer aren’t really his friends, they just seem like posers. You heard me, Dasher is a poser.
2. How is the fog any different from just flying at night in total darkness? – How did Santa see in the years before the fog? Shouldn’t he have had some sort of light for his sleigh since he flies in the dark of night? Why is the fog so much different? Couldn’t Santa’s elves just build him a light for the sleigh? Who is licensing these sleighs?
1. The song gets stuck in my head – Whenever I hear it, see a commercial for the TV special or just read about Rudolph, that song gets stuck in my head and drives me crazy constantly hearing it over and over in my mind. I often wonder if other people are constantly hearing it, too. At least I finally know I’m not alone because now it’s stuck in your head, too. Merry Christmas.