Dear Mr. Trump
I hope this open letter finds you well.
I was truly astonished when I read about your proposal for the new Space Force, so I wanted to send you my application as soon as possible.
I feel I have all of the experience needed for your well-thinked out and fiscally responsible plan, and I know we would be great friends on the Space Force (until I am no longer useful to you and you state that we never really worked together, of course).
As my resume indicates, I have seen all of the Star Wars movies, several Star Trek films, all of the Guardians of the Galaxy flicks and several episodes of the Futurama television program. I did not see the Independence Day sequel, but will be happy to watch it as a professional development opportunity if I am hired for the best Space Force ever!
In addition, I am familiar with space (I even have a space heater!) and I feel that driving in space will be relatively simple, what with the lack of gravity and traffic.
I have not actually worked as an astronaut previously, but that guy in Futurama was just a pizza delivery guy and he does great in space! And what about those oil drillers in the movie Armageddon? They learned about space pretty quickly and then saved the whole world! It really doesn’t seem that difficult, and I imagine that you are already working on the plans with your great brain.
In fact, I honestly hope that you are the first person to go into space as part of the Space Force! That would be one of the best ever steps for man, probably the greatest step ever for mankind!
I am ready to fight Martians or Saturnians or whatever planet you are hoping to defend us from, and I am intrigued by your proposal to spend money on this instead of spending money to help people on Earth already.
I did have a few questions for you about the Space Force, though.
First of all, why not just build a giant wall over the Earth? Wouldn’t that make more sense and fit with your other plans? No one can get around a wall.
In addition, are we hoping to battle the sun? Do we need to destroy it in order to protect the Earth from it? I hate sunburns! If so, it sounds like one of your better ideas.
If the Space Force is for defending the U.S. from other countries who might also be creating their own Space Forces in order to invade us, well, then that sure seems like a creative plan!
Might I also suggest that we need a Super-Duper Outer Space Force to also protect us, in case the other countries take their Space Forces into Super Duper Outer Space in order to try to get around our Space Force and then attack us?
Or, what about an Underground Force in case any other countries are trying to attack us from under the Earth?
Don’t you wonder why we have all of these “pipelines” running underground all over the country? Surely, they’re not all just for oil and natural gas, but I’m sure you have already figured that out.
I realize that some might argue that it would make more sense to try to get along with our military allies in order to work together to keep everyone safe, but your plan to alienate the allies and then build a Space Force sounds much simpler.
As for my references, everybody is talking about what a great member of the Space Force I would be, so that’s about all you need.
In addition, I have set the record for the most readers ever, much more than Elton John, and I have a best-selling novel (as soon as I write it). Everybody says I have a head filled with space, and I think that makes me a perfect fit for your team.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I will continue watching Battlestar Galactica, The Cat From Outer Space and Space Balls while I await your reply.