This election has been stressful, meaningful and full-full.
I have eaten a lot!
But exactly how much weight have I gained? In order to find out, I talked to the election analysts on television who broke it all down for me. Here is what they had to say:
Continue reading “How much weight did I gain during this election? We won’t know until all of the pounds are counted”
THIS IS A TEST of the Nick Claussen Blog System. If this were an actual emergency, such as if I were out of cheesecake or doughnuts or if my television wasn’t working, you would have been instructed to bring me snacks or to invite me to your home to watch television and eat doughnuts.
Because this is a TEST of the Blog System, though, here are a few questions: Continue reading “This is a test alert”
Earlier this month, some members of my family claimed that the dog peed on the floor.
During a recent historic summit/nap, I sat down with Scooter the dog and discussed this issue, along with other amazing and incredible topics that I can’t talk about. Here are some of the results of our discussion: Continue reading “I have no reason to believe that the dog would have peed on the floor”
The President is very concerned about witch hunts.
Our expert team of fake investigative reporters have determined, though, that he is also obsessed with other types of hunts and they have put together this list for us. I should add that they are probably greatest fake reporters ever with the biggest fake minds, and this is the listiest list you will see today, which is the greatest day ever. Continue reading “This post is a TOTAL WITCH HUNT!”
It was a dark and scary Halloween night, and I was in my backyard when a cool wind blew and sent a shiver down my back.
“This just feels wrong,” I thought to myself. “Why didn’t I wear a shirt? It’s freezing out here.”
I went back inside and put on a shirt and then looked at the time. It was getting close to trick-or-treat time and I needed to prepare to hand out candy to the neighborhood children. Continue reading “Trick or Tweet: A Halloween story”
In order to make everything great again great (megag), I have decided that it would be best to emulate our country’s top leader when making my own phone calls. And since the President’s phone conversations to foreign leaders have been printed in some amazing articles, I have also decided to release my own transcripts. Continue reading “Trump’s phone style works great in real life; it’s the best style ever”
While I usually try to say out of politics, I feel I must announce that President Obama has obviously wiretapped my phone, too.
Believe me, I’m as shocked as you are, but the evidence is easily the greatest evidence in the history of the world and it all points directly at the former President.
Why would he do this? What evil plot is he involved with here? Continue reading “President Obama has been wiretapping my phone, too!”
America, it’s time for a change.
Currently, many people in the country and throughout the world enjoy reading acclaimed columns in a wide range of blogs, newspapers, websites and magazines. These articles are often written by authors who are regarded “insightful,” “funny” or “good spellers.” Or “people who don’t write sentence fragments.”
All of these people are not Nick Claussen.
Nick Claussen doesn’t worry about being labeled as “grammatically incorrect” by the “Washington insiders” who “use a lot of quotation marks.” No, Nick Claussen only worries about one thing when he writes, Nick Claussen.
Continue reading “In this divisive political season, here’s an idea we can all support!”