It’s dark, dirty and uncomfortable, but at least it’s filled with bugs and spider webs
Tag: humor
Top 5 Rules for the Movie Theater
I enjoy going to the movies, but there are several rules that must be followed in order to make the experience enjoyable. I should add that it goes without saying that you should not see scary movies. Ever. Or movies that seem sad. Or movies with Keanu Reeves. Or sad movies with Keanu Reeves (although how could you tell if he was sad or not?).
Here then, are the Top 5 Rules for the Movie Theater.
I’ll say it so you don’t have to
Often at the end of a long day, I will turn to my wife or the children and let them know that I am thinking the same thing they are.
“You’re welcome,” I say quietly.
They usually pretend to not know what I am talking about, but I know they must be thinking, “Thank you, Nick, for being such a great and cool husband/father/stepfather/pet owner/neighbor/writer/co-worker/athlete/model citizen/Muppets fan.”
I don’t mean to brag, but there’s really no way around it. I am pretty amazing.
It’s fine to like like, but not it’s not like literally fine
Today, I literally heard people say the word “like” too often and in response I figuratively yelled, “Stop it” because I disliked it so much.
Like is magical word that can be a preposition, conjunction, noun, adjective or adverb. It is not, however, just a fill in word to be thrown in anywhere in a sentence for no apparent reason.
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Top Ten Numerical Digits
Number 1 is a fine number, but how does is really stack up against other numerical digits.
Is No. 1 No. 1? Is No. 8 really No. 9?
These are all many questions that most Americans ask themselves every day. In order to help solve this misnumberstanding, our voters have ranked the Top 10 Numerical Digits (or whole numbers between 0-9).
If you give a Nick a dripping sink…
The true story of a day spent working on a bathroom sink, as told in the style of the great book, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.”
If you give a Nick a dripping bathroom sink, he’ll ignore it for a while hoping that the drip will just go away.
When the drip doesn’t go away, he will eventually go the sink and take a few things apart to try to figure out what’s wrong.
When he takes the sink apart, he won’t be able to figure out what’s wrong, so he’ll put it back together.
Important questions about cookie dough, socks and wingdings
The world is full of questions that cannot be answered.
Why are we here? What happened to the dinosaurs? Why did I tell my friend I would help him move?
Now that I am older and have more wisdom, time and hair on my hands, I have begun to focus more of my energy on pondering these and other questions.
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The Oxford Comma: Preventing chaos or a waste of space?
If you have a coat, you most likely wear it some days, forget it in the car on others and leave it at home the rest of the time.
Sure, it might seem nice to be consistent and wear it every day or to never wear it at all, but it’s just not practical.
That coat is just like the famous Oxford Comma.
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In this divisive political season, here’s an idea we can all support!
America, it’s time for a change.
Currently, many people in the country and throughout the world enjoy reading acclaimed columns in a wide range of blogs, newspapers, websites and magazines. These articles are often written by authors who are regarded “insightful,” “funny” or “good spellers.” Or “people who don’t write sentence fragments.”
All of these people are not Nick Claussen.
Nick Claussen doesn’t worry about being labeled as “grammatically incorrect” by the “Washington insiders” who “use a lot of quotation marks.” No, Nick Claussen only worries about one thing when he writes, Nick Claussen.
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Suicide Squad: What DC did wrong, what they should do next
It can’t be this difficult for DC to make a good movie.
Suicide Squad should have been a slam dunk, but instead it was more like a guy dribbling the ball around with nowhere to go and then kicking it out of bounds. Basically, it was somewhat entertaining, but also kind of stupid and annoying.
Here are a few problems I had with the movie, along with a few spoilers and suggestions:
Continue reading “Suicide Squad: What DC did wrong, what they should do next”
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